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confused baby meme dafuq

My heartfelt condolences to all guys who went out Valentine Shopping this week. Congrats mate! 79.56% of you spent your/your parents money on someone you wouldn’t even be in contact with, this time next year.

The single people – Congrats to you too! You’ll be spending this day, like the same way you do the rest of the year – with peace of mind.

The “recently single people” – Booze up man. You should be freaking celebrating! Start singing “Roses are red, Violets are blue. I am so happy, since I got rid of you”.

Married martyrs – Amen.

 

So, it’s that day of the year again when the environment has an overdose of roses, greeting cards, teddy bears, chocolates and beer. The last one, purely for the unbound ones.

I tried my best smelling the air around, but other than the wonderful smell Kochi Corporation had to offer, I couldn’t find the so called “Love-in-the-air”. Maybe it has something to do with the cold I had last month.

Valentine’s Day, similar to Akshaya Tritiya, am sure has been brought up by marketers to increase sales. It’s a marketing gimmick and everyone’s fallen into it. Chocolates and roses have turned out to be the Holy Grail thanks to these businessmen.

Since I have no night calls to attend to and no 50-word-a-minute responses to give back on Whatsapp, I took my time analyzing the details on why Valentines Day actually sucks.

Here are the top 10 reasons –

 

1. The one sided pressure on the guys is huge

Ever seen a girl losing her peace of mind and pulling her hair out, thinking what to gift her BF for Valentine? No? Neither has anyone. It’s always the guys who have the herculean task of making sure they can read the mind of their GF and come up with the right ingredient of gifts to give her on this fateful day. And no matter what, they can never get it right. All the permutations and combinations never seem to work out in this case.

 

2. Beggar Mode – Starts on Feb 15

With all their year’s savings spent on the gigantic Teddy she so wanted, along with the tasteless candlelit dinner in the 4 star hotel, the guys literally hit the roads from Feb 15th. The next few weeks are spent thriving on water and on interest free loan from their single friends, who all of a sudden look like millionaires.

 

3. No one even has a clue why we celebrate Valentine’s Day

You give me any other day of the year and I’ll give you a reason why it’s celebrated. But Valentine’s Day? What did Saint Valentine do? What about it being the anniversary of a massacre? I presume even Lord Almighty wouldn’t be able to answer this one correctly.

 

 

confused baby meme dafuq
 

4. All those idiotic Social Media contests

Blech. Don’t even get me started on this. From E-Commerce websites to Mobile Operators to Banks, everyone starts off with their useless hashtag and starts spamming the timelines of anyone and everyone. And when you have had enough of it on Twitter, turn to Facebook and you see zillions of Ads and sponsored posts on “Gift your Valentine this…. Gift your Valentine that..”. And if its not gifting, it’ll be “Post your pic with your Valentine” contest.

No…. Please no. Not anymore of those duck faces again.

 

bin laden bombing people meme
 

 

5. It’s as if being single is a crime

I don’t have Jesus hanging out with me on Christmas, or Gandhiji playing snooker with me on Oct 2nd. Neither do I have children on Children’s Day. Then what kind of freaking logic is it that I should have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day?

And if all the single guys decide to hang out together, immediately you’re labelled a loser. Plus, having to suffer seeing the couples snuggle in the Movie Theaters and roam the Malls, tagging along each other as if its Kumbh Mela and they’ll get lost.

 

6. Your Exes are already committed. And so is your best friend.

Oh man. This has been voted as the number 1 and number 2 reason, respectively, for cause of depression among single guys on Feb 14th.

While on one side you’d be celebrating freedom, through the corner of your eye you’ll see your Ex laughing away with someone else. Back rushes all the history and flashbacks with a slow violin playing in the background. And whilst the new hero feeds her a spoonful of chocolate Ice Cream, you start cursing the guy on how less good looking he is than you. But, he has scored the goal, while you’re out of the match with a red card.

If you happen to be the rare one with all his friends committed, just sleep over the day. Sleep until the day passes. Imagine this day never happened.

Atleast its a better scenario than your best friend hanging out with your Ex!

 

girlfriend quote
 

 

7. You can’t even watch TV

This part I truly hate. No matter which channel you tune on this day, all it’ll have is red hearts and romantic songs. Forget entertainment channels. News Channels would be airing interviews with couples, while sports channels would be running between the wickets to get Sachin’s wife to elaborate on their love story. At times like these, only Cartoon Network doesn’t disappoint.

 

8. Listening to your friend’s Valentines Day antics

As if not being able to watch TV wasn’t bad enough, late evening your friend drops in with a 110W smile on his face. Then whole night you have to listen to his story of how he poured two sachets of sugar into her cup of coffee and how she rotated the spoon in a clockwise manner and how he found the scenario to be very romantic. And while you muster up all the courage to control the feelings of strangling him because he’s paying the room rent each month, for the sake of friendship you sit and listen to the whole story.

And people still think Valentines Day is more important than Friendship Day. Hhmph.

 

MINION FRIENDSHIP
 

 

9. Cupid is a stupid mascot

A man baby in a diaper with bows and arrows? From which angle does it invoke feelings of romance or love? Creepy is the word if you ask me.

 

10. It renders the other 364 days useless

Even if a guy gifts a girl 728 gifts across the year and says he loves her a kazillion times, but he doesn’t do this on Feb 14th no matter what the reason, its a crime. Atleast that’s what he’s made to feel.

At that particular moment of time, Lakshmi turns to Durga and it’s a confirmed case of painful death for the guy. God bless his soul.

 

People, don’t get me wrong with this post. I seriously do not mean to hurt the sentiments of any guy/girl with this. Your partner is doing a good enough job of it already!

 

– Vijay S Paul

 

Image Courtesy - memegenerator.net, frabz.com, whicdn.com, twimg.com

 

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“Yes Ma, am sure about what am doing.”

“No! I haven’t lost my head and no am not doing it out of lack of money.”

“Arrey hell with what Menon Uncle will think. He ain’t the one who pays me at the end of the month!”

………………….

Welcome to the 23rd of September 2012, a day in my life. No, I am not going to join Al Qaeda or any such God forsaken organization. Its just a conversation between me and my mom moments after I declared I am going to buy a bike.

No. Not the one with a motor and a 150cc Engine and the one that draws a hole in the purse every two days. Am talking about a bicycle.

The hue and cry started days back. And it wasn’t just my parents, relatives, neighbours, friends, siblings, distant-relatives, cousins, cousin’s friends or people I have never even met over Facebook. It was almost everyone. “Almost”, because truth be said there were exceptions.

The moment I declared am going to buy a cycle, the first question everyone asked me was – “You are 22. Why don’t you buy a bike? That’s what everyone your age does.”
Arrey, everyone my age (read as almost everyone my age), has a job with a 5 figure salary, a girlfriend, a Samsung Galaxy Tab/ iPhone 5 and has dinner at KFC almost everyday! Does that mean I do the same?
P.S. Just for the record, I have only one of the above.

I don’t know about the rest of India but atleast where I live in, if you are a male above 20 years of age and still ride a bicycle other than something that costs 40-50k, then automatically you are considered either too immature to be trusted with a bike or just plain poor. Am neither.

I bought a cycle, for the love of it. I bought a cycle, for my love of nature. I bought a cycle, for the love of my health. For goodness sake, I bought a cycle because its my money and not something I stole from the Coal-gate Scam!! Why is it so very difficult to understand that.
(This paragraph is dedicated to all the uncle and aunties in my neighbourhood who still wonder why I bought a cycle 😐 ).

So now let me make things crystal clear. I decided to go ahead with the idea of buying a cycle, along with my friend Manu, for the most obvious reasons.

  1. We really wanted to cut down on the cost of petrol that was being spent over my Activa.
  2. Both of us have been trying to project our respective firms – IZE Creative and Day Scholars Innovations as an Eco-Friendly organization. We try our best to do all correspondence via mails and avoid printing.
  3. Sitting in and around our office the whole day, we really needed some exercise in our life. I for one, seriously don’t want to be a regular visitor to the Orthopedic Surgeon 15-20 years from now.
  4. We are entrepreneurs. We always think different.
  5. We love cycling.

I would have loved to explain each and every point I mentioned here, but then I want this to be a blog post. Not a 15 mark answer.

So then, if you out there have serious plans of buying a cycle, don’t give a darn to what that bald headed uncle next door or his 24 year old motorcycle-riding-petrol-drinking-purse-tearing son is going to think. Just go ahead. It’s the best gift you could give to yourself and to the nature.

P.S. Here’s a pic of my cycle 🙂